I have been dating the same guy for three years. I’m very much in love with him but every time I brought up marriage he would change the subject or we’d get into a huge argument and he’d leave. So I finally just asked him ‘Do you plan on marrying me?’ He said he didn’t know. So I told him it was over. The next day I go out and get stupid drunk and have a random hookup with some guy. The following day my ex calls me and asks me to meet him at the beach so we can talk. I agreed. I get there and all of my friends and family is there and there’s candles and roses and he proposes to me. Apparently he had been planning this for months. I say yes and we hug and everyone congratulates us. But now my conscience is bothering me. Should I confess to my fiancé what I did or should I just erase it from my mind?

This question is from the Steve Harvey archives, which you can click on here.

I’ll give you the short answer… No.  No, you should not tell your fiance. You were broken up at the time, so it is none of his business.  What would telling him accomplish? I’m pretty sure he would leave you.  You’re trying to marry the guy, so telling him would not help you jump the broom with him.  Hopefully, you used protection.  If not please go get tested. In fact, go get tested anyway, just to ease your conscience.

I’m a bit conflicted.  In the beginning of the letter it seems as though he had no plans of marrying you.  You mentioned that the two of you argue about it.  He would avoid the issue at all cost.  Since you’ve been dating for 3 years, I would say that is more than enough time to decide if want to marry someone.  Then, he suddenly decides your marriage material and proposes.  Why the sudden change? I would strongly suggest couples counseling before you get married.  There may be some issues there, especially if he starts to drag his feet about setting a date.

Good luck to you.

— Jana Leigh

If anyone has questions, they would like for me to answer, email me at AskJanaLeigh@yahoo.com  Make sure to leave out identifying information, so that it would be anonymous.

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