Please help!!! My husband of 15 years lost his job 10 years ago and refused to look for another job! He reluctantly went to work for a non-profit 2 years ago and keeps reminding me that he’s “doing it for me and he’s not happy about it”! Our money problems started when we got married and he realized that I made more money than he did. He stopped helping with the bills and ran up $40,000 in debt. He was sued two times and I got garnished because we live in a community property state. I finally had to file for bankruptcy because he was getting sued for a third time. I’m out of bankruptcy and I rebuilt my credit and started saving money. Now he’s mad because he realized that I have bank accounts that he didn’t know about and doesn’t have access to. He thought I only had our joint account, which I don’t put any money in because he’ll just spend it! I’m trying to save for our kids college and retirement. I have been blessed to have my dream job for the past 5 years and have a comfortable 6 figure salary. He had no idea how much money I made until last week. He was upset because he thought we should get a big tax refund, but we owe the IRS. Now he’s texting and calling me throughout the day asking for money and I’m pretty sure he’s quit his job. I know I make more than enough, but it’s the fact that he now acts like I’m supposed to take care of him! I do love my husband, but he is on my last nerve right now. Am I wrong not to give him any money and insist that he work and help out with the bills?

You can read the post on Strawberry Letter Archive.

smh… **long sigh**

Dear Wife,

There are so many things wrong with this letter.  The two of you don’t even act like husband and wife.  I expect this type of behavior from couples who are in the early stages of dating.  Your husband is clearly insecure and lazy.  I have a feeling you knew this before you married him.  That’s why you did not tell him how much you made at work.  Married couples do not have secrets.

That fact that you’ve put up with this foolishness for 10 years, says something.  You really want this to work.  The only problem is… he doesn’t.  He is trying his best to undermine everything you do.  That is not how marriage works!  The two of you are supposed to be a team.  Meanwhile the kids are watching this go on.  What is this teaching them?

Your husband has put his family in debt (repeatedly).  You had to file for bankruptcy. Your livelihood is in jeopardy because he blows the money.  You have no safety net because of him.  You hide money from him.  He hasn’t worked a steady job in a DECADE.  Your paychecks are being garnished.  Now he is begging you for more money.  Nothing about him says he’s husband material.  I’m wondering why you want to hang on to him.  He obviously does not care about you or the kids.  Well, at least not enough to want you and the kids safe and secure.   That should worry you.  You are more than able to take care of the kids by yourself.  You’ve basically been doing this all along.  So… why do you need him around?

If it was me, I’d divorce him and move on with my life.  You could try marriage counseling, but I just don’t see this working.  You and the kids need stability and security.  He does not provide that… at all.  You seem like an awesome woman.  You have been blessed to find your dream job.  You have pulled yourself out of bankruptcy and are planning for the future.  You don’t need him.  He will drag you into the gutter, if you let him.  Don’t let this happen.

Be strong.

~Jana Leigh

Readers, what do you guys think?  Can their relationship be salvaged?

If you have a question that you would like for me to answer, contact me at AskJanaLeigh@yahoo.com.

** Photo credit: tuguchis.mx

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