My grandmother knows I’m gay and keeps asking when I’m going to find a girlfriend: I’m a 26-year-old gay man who came out to his family 10 years ago. While the reception wasn’t great at first, my family has since come to a place of acceptance. The problem is my grandmother (who comes from a conservative religious and cultural background) won’t stop asking me why I don’t have a girlfriend almost every time I see her. She even talks about how she hopes she’ll be around to see me get married and have children. I know she’s fully aware of the facts; my mother has since told me she turned to her for guidance back when I first came out. Up until now, I’ve been telling her I’ve been “too busy” to have a girlfriend, but I feel ridiculous lying when the truth is already known. It breaks my heart that I have to pretend with a woman who, in many ways, is my second mother. Should I come out again, to her specifically? Or should I hold my tongue? I don’t want to cause her any undue pain, especially since I’m afraid she won’t be around much longer.
Dear Prudence from 1/20/2016
Honey, your grandmother is being a sh*t stirrer. From what you have said in the letter, she is very aware of your sexuality. She just doesn’t want to accept it. That’s not your problem. You cannot control other people’s behaviors or thoughts. She obviously wants you to be straight. You’re not. She needs to get over it. I think her behavior is very rude and disrespectful. You should definitely speak with her.
What I would do is meet with her privately and let her know how her comments make you feel. Let her know that you love her and would like to have her support. Due to her religious beliefs, she may not accept your sexuality. If so, ask her to stop asking those silly questions that she already knows the answer to. If she is hurt by your sexuality, that is something she has to deal with, not you. Sexuality is like race. You cannot change it. People can either accept you as you are or move along. If after talking to her she still asks these silly questions, just be honest. Like you said, everyone in your family knows already. There’s no point in lying. You’re already out of the closet. There’s no point of jumping right back in.
Good luck to you.
Readers, I know you all have something to say about this grandmother. lol
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