Advice time!!  I haven’t done this in forever. I really miss it. Giving advice was the main reason why I started this blog. I hope you guys enjoy these letters.

Anyway, this letter comes from the Strawberry Letter archive, which you  can find here.

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years off and on. Five years ago he stepped outside of the relationship and I was blindsided. He admitted it. He said that it happened once and it would never happen again. So here we are years later and the female that he cheated on me with is still texting him and he’s responding. I have seen the texts and there’s nothing inappropriate, it’s mostly her asking business related questions. Am I overreacting by asking that he stops communication with her completely? He says that she is just a friend, but I believe that they crossed the friendship line a long time ago. I’m at a crossroads in this relationship because he says that I’m trying to control him by demanding the communication stops. I’m trying to feel secure in the relationship. Is love enough to stay with him or should I walk away after 7 years? Please help.

Dear LW,

Let me get this straight… He cheated on you. Told you it will never happen again.  Then continues to text this woman. Hmmm? When will he respect your feelings? When does that come into play? You’re supposed to be his girlfriend, so why is he dismissing your VALID feelings? If things were reversed, I promise you he would be furious.

He is obviously still holding on to this woman for some reason. He may have feelings for her.  That could be why he is so defensive when it comes to her. He is not doing anything to help you feel secure in this relationship.

If I was in your shoes, I’d dump him. He’s not respecting you or this relationship.  You have asked him to stop texting this woman, and he won’t. You deserve better, much better.

To answer your question… No. You are not over-reacting. He should have ended all communication with this woman after he admitted to cheating. He has no attachments to this woman, like children. There should be no reason for him to keep texting her.

Furthermore, so what he has shown you the text messages.  He could have easily erased the messages before you looked at them.

So you can either stay and continue letting him disrespect you… or dump this loser and find someone who is faithful.

Good luck!

~Jana Leigh

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