It’s past time for an advice post. I have a juicy one for you.  This letter comes from The Strawberry Letter archive from the Steve Harvey Morning Show. You can find the letter here. Let’s jump right in.

I have been married for 3 years. My husband cheated on me before we got married, but I decided to forgive my him… we got married and I was happily married until recently, when my best friend decided to test my man. Without telling me, she got on a dating website and made a fake dating profile and found out that my husband has a profile on the dating site. She connected with my husband and they started having very intimate conversations. He even attempted to meet with her several times. When I asked my best friend why she did it, she told me that she had a nagging suspicion about his loyalty toward me and couldn’t let it rest. I feel betrayed by both of them. I feel as though she overstepped her boundaries and inserted herself into my personal relationship. But, I’m also heartbroken because that the man I chose to forgive, has not changed his cheating ways. I am embarrassed that my friend knows about my husband’s infidelities. She constantly asks me what I’m going to do about my husband. I am so lost and devastated because I am four months pregnant. This is the last thing I imagined for my life. My pain is caused by the two most important people in my life. I don’t know what my next move should be. I feel extreme pressure to make a quick decision so I don’t look weak. I’ve never lived on my own so I wouldn’t know the first thing about taking care of myself and my child. Please help. I’m so lost.

Dear Lost,

There are so many red flags in this letter that I don’t know where to begin. I may have to use bullet points for this.

  • Red flag #1: Your husband cheated on you BEFORE you married him, but you decided to stay with him. You did not mention counseling, so I’m assuming you just “talked it out.” Hell naw! Why did you marry this man knowing he’s a cheater??? There was no couples counseling, so did you really think he was reformed? He just got off easy. Once you forgave him without requiring him to seek help, he knew he had you.
  • Red flag #2: Your best friend went on a dating site to catch you husband cheating. While doing so, they have been flirting and talking dirty to each other. She did this WITHOUT informing you she was going to do it. Ummm… your best friend is after your man. Plain and simple. Now she is constantly asking what are you going to do. You know why she wants to know so bad? Because she wants to slide right in after you divorce him. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Maybe she did have my best interest at heart.” Ok. Let’s think about that for a minute. What if she did suspect your husband of being a cheater. She just needed proof. Well, my first question would be, “Why didn’t she tell me about her suspicions before I married him?” I mean, he was cheating before you married him. I guess her spidey senses were off before you walked down the aisle. My next question would be, “How would she know he was on a that particular dating site to begin with?” Sounds very suspicious to me. Out of all the dating sites on the internet, she just knew he was on that one. Not only that, she talked dirty to him. Why? I mean, just him being on a dating site is proof enough. She took things a step further and talked nasty to him. Hmmm…. “Something in the milk ain’t clean.”
  • Red flag #3: He attempted to meet with her (your best friend) several times. Several times. How long was she on this secret mission of hers? Why would she not tell you the first time he tried to meet her?  This woman has slept with your husband or wants to sleep with him.  Either way, she’s a horrible person.

Now you’re pregnant.

Well, you have a huge decision to make. If I were you, I would get rid of your husband and your best friend. Life is too short to be wasting time on people who don’t respect you. Don’t be afraid to live on your own. Since you’re pregnant, I would suggest maybe staying with a close family member until you are more stable, or living on your own near your family. I had to do that. There’s no shame in that. You have to do what’s best for you and your baby. Being in the current environment is not healthy.

I have a feeling you will choose to stay with your husband. If you do, PLEASE go get marriage counseling and don’t let him talk you out of it. Be strong and firm with him. If he is not willing to go to counseling, then he is not the one for you.

Good luck to you.

~Jana Leigh

If any of you have a question that you would like for me to answer (anonymously, of course), email me the question at AskJanaLeigh@yahoo.com

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